After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
