Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
