I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
