Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I puked a lego.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
third nipple confirmed
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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