sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
