i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
