If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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