WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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