I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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