saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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