Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
