Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
