I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
