you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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