I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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