I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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