Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
