Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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