I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
