I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
