Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
