I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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