How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
