In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
