i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
