I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
