we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
you're hired as official boob wrangler
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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