don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
