Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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