She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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