Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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