Im at strip club and am horny
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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