I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
