my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
