It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
