I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
