Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
did you just send me my own nude
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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