I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
