pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
