why didn't you poke me back
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
