This girl is more easily done than said...
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
