But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
