How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
