Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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