i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
