he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
40s are totally the cure
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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