I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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