How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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