just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
