Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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