I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
